Lisa's thought for the week - Remembering with Love

'Remembering with Love'

By Lisa Barlow

Christmas is always a difficult time for me. It has been 6 years since my Mum died and I can honestly say this is the first year where I have actually felt like enjoying myself. I’ve made a conscious effort in previous years to ‘enjoy myself’ but this year has seen a ‘shift’ in the genuineness of that enjoyment.  When we no longer have someone in our lives who once gave us incredible amounts of joy we encounter a feeling of loss, like part of our hearts are missing, because part of it is missing. If you have been touched deeply by the person you will feel this loss deeply. 

Most experiences in life ‘pass through us’ with little resistance and we will all experience loss differently, however most of us will feel immense sadness and sorrow as part of the grieving process. I don’t really like talking about grief as a ‘process’. I’m not a ‘process’ person. I’m into people, not processes, we’re all different. And this is what I want to say about dealing with death. We’re all different, 

"there are no rules in grief"

said a wise colleague following the death of my Mum. She knew there was more to come. 

My own grief hits me in waves, usually when I’m least expecting it. It comes and goes like the ebb and flow of the tide and I let it. I am unashamed of my grief because it is now part of my life, it has become a life event that has forever changed me. I have a list of positive and negative life events like every other person who walks this planet. I’ve ascertained that this is life.

Death is a life event which changes everybody, no matter who you are. How you allow this life event to change you is your choice. How you choose to carry this event is your choice to do so; nobody else will carry their grief as you carry yours, you are unique and so am I. People take different things from death. Our life experiences contribute to who we become. To accept this is to accept our lives, all of it. Yes, our lives change when someone we love dies. We may feel we may never recover and maybe we don’t, maybe all we do is become directed to a different path with different people to have different experiences. I don’t know. Perhaps sometimes it’s necessary to go with the flow and surrender to what is rather than trying to make sense of the senseless. All I know is that death has taught me that my life here is short, and I intend to live it fully, knowing that ‘this too shall pass’, quite possibly in the blink of an eye.   

Lisa Barlow is a Personal Development Coach at Bare Health, Congleton, Cheshire.

To speak to Lisa direct or to book a one to one consultation please call Bare Health on 01260 408413.

Lisa's thought for the week - The Emotional Benefits of ‘Shifting Your Focus’

The Emotional Benefits of ‘Shifting Your Focus’

I was singing in the shop the other day and a customer commented I sounded ‘happy’. This got me thinking about what it is to be ‘happy’. Is it really as simple as choosing which thoughts we focus on? Surely not. So I gave it some serious thought. My experience of emotions is plenty of up and down’s. I’ve been experimenting lately with the lower end emotions and I’ve started to look beyond the emotion to see what lies behind it. Once I’ve actually seen what lies behind it it’s then my choice as to whether I stay with it or choose to let it go. This takes repetition as my emotional patterns have built up over 39 years of living. So I’ve been letting go of MANY beliefs and fears that no longer serve their purpose, they belong in the past. I’ve said goodbye with love and I continue to do so.

Where do we focus our attention?

Is it on the good things in our lives? The things we are to be grateful for such as if we can breathe, unaided, hot showers and enough food to ward off starvation or do we focus on the things we lack or don’t like in our lives, for whatever reason?  If I CHOOSE to shift my focus I can CHOOSE how I feel about my life. If I’m honest I have enough to be miserable about in my life as I do to be grateful for. But here’s a question for you:

Which energy makes me and everyone else around me feel more uplifted, positive and dare I say it, happy?  

Yes, grateful energy. There are some days no doubt that sadness and sorrow need to be heard, they may scream so loudly you will have no choice to listen to the pain. Once it’s heard, it’s heard, LISTEN.......Let it come, then let it go, like waves on the shore. CHOOSE..... Choose how you wish to play out your days as you won’t get them back! When you notice a negative focus, honour it, but if it’s unhelpful for your life, shift it. TRUST that you are able to shift your focus. You may shift it in an hour, a day, a week, a month or longer, but shift it you must in order to bring more brightness into your life and the lives of others. Like really does attract like. Become that which you want to attract into your life. Maybe darkness really cannot exist in the presence of light. Choose to be the light as this too shall pass in the blink of an eye and we could enjoy the experience as fully as possible whilst we’re here don’t you think?

CHALLENGE: Over the festive period think about where you can shift your focus in order to make the best of even the most challenging of emotional situations. Remember that which we choose to focus on grows....and grows.....

Lisa Barlow is a Personal Development coach at Bare Health. If you would like to make an appointment to see Lisa on a one to one basis, please call Bare Health on 01260 408413.