Bare Health

Wednesday 28 September 2016

The Power of Forgiveness and Unconditional Love to Heal Our Emotional Wounds



I’ve learned these past few years that what we ‘believe’ to be ‘the truth’ is never written in stone. I’ve been cracked wide open, bought to my knees on more than one occasion and when I get back up I realise I am stronger and wiser than before I fell. So, I’m seeing life’s challenges through a different lens these days. Unconditional love has been a difficult one for me. I realise in order for this to become a ‘reality’ ‘Ego’s’ have to take a back seat and let the soul do the driving; and the Ego doesn’t make a good back seat driver! The Ego just wants to protect, so we don’t get hurt or disappointed but I’ve realised that to truly keep your heart open (even when it’s been broken through untruths, disappointments and betrayals) is a gift from God. To truly forgive, to be open and vulnerable, we get to experience the full breadth of what it is to be human; to feel, to love, to be angered, to be let down, upset, frustrated....to feel. When we close our hearts we are unable to connect with our souls. Our soul is where the unconditional love for each other resides. I believe the soul holds our blueprints, ‘the truths’ of who we really are. To lovingly want the best for another, for them to truly experience happiness and reduce suffering, even in the midst of these lower self emotions, this is my understanding of to love unconditionally.

I’ve learned it’s easy to practice unconditional love for those who meet our needs; who are kind, generous, fun loving, easy going and sensitive human beings. We can easily extend this love to children who we accept are on a ‘learning pathway’. So, why do we struggle with each other as adults?

Why do we struggle to extend this love to human beings who are not kind, loving and generous?
What stops US being kind, loving and generous? Is this not the ultimate test afterall?

We’re not just trading are we? Are we?

What stops us from extending our love to them too?

Can we not accept that we are all on this ‘learning pathway’ from cradle to grave? Just because we reach a certain age milestone or make it through adolescence to adulthood doesn’t mean we have ‘done’ with the learning. We learn ‘through relationship’. We’re always learning. Why do we struggle to extend our compassion to our adult counterparts who may be struggling with some aspect of ‘adult life’?  Are we compassionate enough with ourselves as adults?

We all have habitual patterns of behaving, ways of being that we have learned into being. Some of these behaviours help us to navigate our way through life with greater ease; some of them mean we tend to get in our own way. If we never see the ‘Man in the Mirror’; if we never truly see ourselves as we are we do not have the opportunity to grow into the finest version of ourselves. We spend money, time and effort on our fancy packaging when the real work is needed in producing a better gift. As I like to say, ‘No amount of fancy packaging can disguise a shit gift’. A polished turd is still a turd at the end of the day.

Our souls are crying out to be heard, to be listened to. Let me help you heal. They are sick of the Ego over-reacting to every slight, every perceived attack, the Ego of late appears to have gone into over-drive. We have lost the ability to laugh at ourselves and our earthly predicament. The laughing Buddha has it right. Don’t take life too seriously....it’s not like we’re getting out alive is it? We learn from each other. We can become growth agents for each other if we open to this distinct possibility instead of shutting down immediately anything that even slightly whiffs of as ‘criticism’ of our characters. When somebody pushes our buttons it could be because they intend to be mean. If you’ve checked out their intention and you trust the person then maybe, just maybe, this is the time, this IS the opportunity to go within, to do the inner work.

Forgiveness as with compassion has to start with ourselves. When we stop judging ourselves so harshly for any perceived ‘failures’ or mistakes we can be kinder and more loving towards other human beings who also make ‘mistakes’ on their own learning pathways. I read somewhere that doing something ‘wrong’ once is a mistake, twice is a decision but I’m not so certain I believe this anymore. Some students are more astute than others. I liken it to maths back in school. I could get mathematic principles EVENTUALLY but it seemed to take a little more explaining from the teacher, whilst others in my class were flying through the work from the off. And so I’m thinking that if life is a school for learning, and if we all have an individual programme of study does it not stand to reason that some will be faster learners than others?


Maybe it’s this ‘keeping the heart open’ thing I’ve been practicing. Whenever I have my buttons pressed and my Ego wants to jump to my defence and retaliate I keep hearing the words of Michael Singer in ‘The Untethered Soul’ – ‘Don’t close’. I’m still learning with this one, and I’m still not achieving it sometimes, I am only human.  So, this got me thinking....our greatest teachers in life ARE the ones who are mean to us, treat us unkindly, unfairly as these are the ones who teach us most about compassion, kindness and unconditional love. I’d like us all to be kind, compassionate and loving human beings but suppose we can only elevate our consciousness by being presented with these people, situations and circumstances on the Earth plane.

Just suppose we ARE all actors on the world stage, that we’re playing our parts perfectly for the evolution of each other’s souls...Actually, if this was the case there is nothing to forgive...only gratitude to give. Maybe this is when the forgiveness is for us; for reacting in the old habitual way and not being able to create a bigger space between stimulus and response.  Fear prevents love from being received or extended. Our fear of rejection often means we are unable to express ourselves to each other lovingly and so we close. ‘Don’t close’.....’Don’t close’ screams Michael Singer...’But I need to protect me’ screams my Ego back, ‘I may get hurt’. I’ve realised I may indeed get hurt, whether I close or remain open so from now on I’m taking the chance on remaining open. This is my intention....I’ll let you know how I get on x


Lisa Barlow is Bare Health's resident Personal Development Coach and creator & facilitator of the hugely successful and inspiring 'Power of the Journal' Workshops held regularly at Bare Health.

If you would like to attend one of Lisa's workshops or alternatively book a 'one to one' session then please do call Bare Health on 01260 408413.