Stress – What does it mean to you? AND... how do you deal with it?

Dealing with Stress...naturally

by Melanie Ratcliffe

Stress – defined by the concise oxford dictionary as:

1. pressure or tension exerted on a material object.

"the distribution of stress is uniform across the bar"

synonyms:

pressure, tension, strain, tightness, tautness;  raretensity "the distribution of stress is uniform across the bar"

     

2      2. a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances.

"he's obviously under a lot of stress"

synonyms:

strain, pressure, tension, nervous tension, worry, anxiety,nervousness;

I can truly say that I know what it feels like to experience the effects of ‘stress’. In my 38 (almost 39) years, I have experienced a great deal of stress. From an early age I have been able to tie myself into knots without even trying ,over, what I can now look back and call ‘trivial’ things – however, back then they wern’t trivial at all. Well, not to me. It was relative to my circumstances and to that specific point in time.

And I guess that as we journey through life we adapt and change...we deal with things differently according to circumstance and experience. What was once a major stress can soon become minor and vice versa. We all react & respond differently. We are all unique.

The American Institute for Stress states

 ‘Stress is not a useful term for scientists because it is such a highly subjective phenomenon that it defies definition.’

I am inclined to agree!

Exams were always a good one to get myself in a state over, peer pressure, family bereavements,   worrying what people think... that was another big one.

But these now seem so insignificant to the stress I experienced when my late husband, Dave was diagnosed with bowel cancer at the age of 34 and the pain of losing him 9 months later. As you can imagine, this took stress to a whole new level and it wasn’t a good place to be in. This stress bought with it, all sorts of physical symptoms & pain alongside a barrage of emotions, mental stress and very sadly, huge amounts of grief.

However, that loss & stress bought about reflection, transformation, change then inspired & reignited something in me and I started my own business – a whole new experience of stress! Positive stress that helped me to plunge into a whole new world I hadn’t ventured into before and a lot of negative stress that came with it – pressure I placed myself under. But it was a dream I had wanted to pursue and now I had an inner determination AND an opportunity to make it happen.

And then some more stress... the start of new relationship which also bought with it a new level of stress, good and bad. However out of it came a deep love and in September last year, I remarried and although this was at times stressful, organising and planning, It was such a joyful and happy experience that elicited very different responses to the life events I had experienced 5 years before.

So why am I sharing this with you? I'm just one person in millions, who has a story like this. Yes, i've just touched on my experiences, but the purpose is to illustrate a few examples of stress really. Stress takes it's toll over time - Ive often wondered why I havent collapsed in a heap, I couldnt see any lasting physical symptoms, but I've experienced exhaustion, brain fog, lack of clarity, sleepless nights, anxiousness, digestive upset. I do get tired easily nowadays and that is one of the effects stress has had on me i'm sure. And the biggest lesson im now learning? I need to make some time for me and learn how to adapt to and manage my stress past and present. It's down to me to make the changes. 

Stress – it comes in all shapes and sizes and can be positive as well as negative.

Managing stress – I still think I don’t deal with stress well – however, when I stand back, I see that I do deal with it, in my own way, sometimes well others not too well. But at what cost is this to my health? What I know now is that long term stress is not healthy for me physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually and it’s not good to be on the continual hamster wheel of stress and always having that feeling of ‘fight’ or ‘flight’ – it’s draining and exhausting and prevents me living my life to it’s potential. It’s like giving a piggy back to  a ‘burglar of life'. I no longer want to be robbed! So, now i'm in a place of change with a desire to move forward and move forward I shall :)

I find myself in a very fortunate position though.And I'm very grateful for that. Even though as an individual I have experienced a great deal of stress in many guises, my passion for natural health and opening my own health store and complementary therapy centre has brought me to a unique place. I am in the perfect setting to address my stress levels and tackle them head on. I have a team of experienced and professional therapists on hand who have supported me greatly on my journey forward and i’m greatly blessed to have a wonderful supportive network of family & friends and a loving husband. I also have my own knowledge and experience to draw upon. But ultimately learning to cope with and manage stress is a strategy 'I' have to put in place and it’s just my personal opinion...but there isn’t just one pill to fix it or to supress it. It's not always about putting our health in the hands of others and letting them do the work. We have to actively, if we are in the position to, help ourselves. Life is dynamic, it is constantly evolving and changing and I for one do not want to get 'stuck' and miss out on the ride!

According to American Institute of Stress - stress is difficult to define because it is so different for each of us. They give a great analogy:

 ‘A good example is afforded by observing passengers on a steep roller coaster ride. Some are hunched down in the back seats, eyes shut, jaws clenched and white knuckled with an iron grip on the retaining bar. They can’t wait for the ride in the torture chamber to end so they can get back on solid ground and scamper away. But up front are the wide-eyed thrill seekers, yelling and relishing each steep plunge who race to get on the very next ride. And in between you may find a few with an air of nonchalance that borders on boredom. So, was the roller coaster ride stressful?

 The roller coaster analogy is useful in explaining why the same stressor can differ so much for each of us. What distinguished the passengers in the back from those up front was the sense of control they had over the event. While neither group had any more or less control their perceptions and expectations were quite different. Many times we create our own stress because of faulty perceptions you can learn to correct. You can teach people to move from the back of the roller coaster to the front, and, as Eleanor Roosevelt noted, nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. 

So it’s down to how we CONTROL our stress, how we PERCEIVE it and how we CHOOSE TO RESPOND to it?

On Saturday 28^th February Bare Health (this is the business I was talking of earlier) is hosting the first of series of holistic health workshops to be held throughout 2015. Workshops designed to help you live a healthy lifestyle to your fullest potential, to offer advice, tips, tools and techniques that you can use and adapt to your everyday life and life events. Each workshop will cover a specific health related theme and take on board differing approaches to address the aspects of mind, body & soul. Bare Health - Helping you to find your healthy balance. 

For more details of our forthcoming events click ‘here’

Our first workshop is on the topic of ‘Stress’

We ALL experience stress at some stage in our lives, different causes, different degrees, different effects. STRESS is NOT a sign of weakness, it should not be a taboo subject and we shouldn’t be afraid to say I CANT COPE. It’s how we choose to perceive it, how we respond to it and how we manage it that matters. How we make sure that it doesn’t take its’ toll on our health and prevent us from the enjoyment of this life we are given.

The two ladies below have had an incredible impact on my journey forward in terms of support and helping me to find positive and realistic ways to look at Stress and how I can learn to manage it effectively - they have both, in their own unique ways provided me with a different approach to dealing with stress. They have a great deal to offer to all.

I don't mind admitting I'm still learning and I still have walls to climb - I guess I always will be, that's just life. But i'm open to change and so  I'll be at the workshop on the 28th and I just know i'll leave it feeling invigorated, inspired and empowered. Armed with new tools & remedies to 'Love my Stress!'

Saturday 28^th February 2015 ‘Love Your Stress’ – holistic approaches to dealing with stress.

 

 Tools to Manage the Mind 10.00 – 11.00am

The first workshop, delivered by Personal Development Coach, Lisa Barlow, will provide opportunity to explore tools and techniques to manage the mind. 

 “During this one hour session we will look at the causes of stress, how it manifests in our lives and how we can start to change our relationship with it from one of fear to one of empowerment. You will learn how mindful breathing exercises can help to centre the mind and balance the body and understand the power of self talk, how improving this can alter how we view our lives and ultimately how we feel".

Remedies to Restore Emotional Balance 11.30am – 12.30pm

Enjoy an absorbing hour’s workshop with Jane Bowdenleigh on how to ease life’s stresses using Bach Flower remedies. The remedies are an established therapy, used by generations since the 1930s and Rescue Remedy is known world-wide. 

Rescue Remedy is the first remedy most people will consider when experiencing stress or trauma.  A remedy composing of 5 of the Bach Flower essences, Jane will explore when and how to use ‘Rescue’. It is typically a first remedy of choice for a range of emotional stress including grief, sleeplessness and panic attacks. The causes of stress will vary from individual to individual and this valuable workshop will demonstrate how to access the full range of 36 remedies. 

The range of Bach Flower essences cater for all aspects of emotional stress, bringing calm and well-being.  Jane will provide a fascinating taster of how individuals can access this self-help therapy for themselves.  As well as going on to identify some of the remedies that will relieve different types of stress.

Each 1 hour workshop costs £10 or £18 when you book onto both. There will also be exclusive Bare Health product discounts and goody bags for those attending the workshops.

To book your place please call Bare Health on 01260 408413

Reference http://www.stress.org/what-is-stress/

Lisa's thought for the week - How do you love?

How do you love?

 by Lisa Barlow

I’ve been observing and taking notes these past few years and I think I may have some observations that could help in understanding some of our most intimate relationships. I’ve noticed how most people ‘give’ that which they find most easy to give, me included.  Makes sense really doesn’t it? But I’ve also noticed this sometimes doesn’t mean much to the recipient if the person you’re ‘giving’ to doesn’t value the same thing, if their love map is different from yours (and this is quite possible considering we’re unique human beings. We know that love is an energy, not a thing, however it does become physically manifest by what we say and do in the world and with the people we choose to have in our lives. How you show love, how you give and receive affection says something about YOU, about YOUR map of the world. It does not tell me how someone else likes to be loved. ‘You’ve got to show me love’ sang Robin S, but what that looks like to me could be something completely different to you. Love me how I like to be loved. Tall order isn’t it? We all love differently. Can I still honour the soul in you even if we’re so very different? Can we make intimacy work? I believe we can if we want to. ‘Seek first to understand, then to be understood’ wrote Stephen Covey in ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’.

                                                               

      

When was the last time you communicated to your nearest and dearest what you needed from them in the ‘love’ stakes? It takes emotional courage for they may choose not to meet your love need, and that’s OK, they’re entitled. This is usually the point at which your being ‘in relationship’ is questioned. Do we care enough about another’s love map to want to love them how they wish to be loved? Maybe we do or maybe we don’t. Sadly, in my previous life as a Connexions Personal Adviser I worked with many an individual whose experience of relationships was far from ’loving’. In their worlds they and others would get their own needs met at any cost to another individual; physically, financially or emotionally and would title this ‘love’. Violence and abuse (in any form) is NOT love, regardless of how many times this word leaves the mouth of the individual saying it. In order for these destructive patterns to be broken, professional guidance may need to be sought.

For those who haven’t been subjected to such dysfunction throughout childhood but have never had any lessons in love either it’s worth considering the following questions:

•      Can you love another how they LIKE to be loved?
• Do you only love in the way you have been conditioned to love?
• Do you try to get them to WANT to be loved HOW you love?

Some thinkers would say that the most important thing in life is to ‘give love’, and I also believe that understanding is a part of that love. All love starts with us so the relationship we have with ourselves is vitally important as this radiates out to others. Relationships are complex because human beings are complex; however, open communication helps to simplify them.  Maybe this is why we like dogs; they are simpler in the love stakes and less judgemental!

Challenge: Do you know HOW you love or how you prefer to be loved? Just notice.... x 

Lisa Barlow is Bare Health's resident Personal development Coach. If you would like to speak to her or make an appointment for a consultation please call Bare Health on 01260 408413.