Lisa's thought for the week - Remembering with Love

'Remembering with Love'

By Lisa Barlow

Christmas is always a difficult time for me. It has been 6 years since my Mum died and I can honestly say this is the first year where I have actually felt like enjoying myself. I’ve made a conscious effort in previous years to ‘enjoy myself’ but this year has seen a ‘shift’ in the genuineness of that enjoyment.  When we no longer have someone in our lives who once gave us incredible amounts of joy we encounter a feeling of loss, like part of our hearts are missing, because part of it is missing. If you have been touched deeply by the person you will feel this loss deeply. 

Most experiences in life ‘pass through us’ with little resistance and we will all experience loss differently, however most of us will feel immense sadness and sorrow as part of the grieving process. I don’t really like talking about grief as a ‘process’. I’m not a ‘process’ person. I’m into people, not processes, we’re all different. And this is what I want to say about dealing with death. We’re all different, 

"there are no rules in grief"

said a wise colleague following the death of my Mum. She knew there was more to come. 

My own grief hits me in waves, usually when I’m least expecting it. It comes and goes like the ebb and flow of the tide and I let it. I am unashamed of my grief because it is now part of my life, it has become a life event that has forever changed me. I have a list of positive and negative life events like every other person who walks this planet. I’ve ascertained that this is life.

Death is a life event which changes everybody, no matter who you are. How you allow this life event to change you is your choice. How you choose to carry this event is your choice to do so; nobody else will carry their grief as you carry yours, you are unique and so am I. People take different things from death. Our life experiences contribute to who we become. To accept this is to accept our lives, all of it. Yes, our lives change when someone we love dies. We may feel we may never recover and maybe we don’t, maybe all we do is become directed to a different path with different people to have different experiences. I don’t know. Perhaps sometimes it’s necessary to go with the flow and surrender to what is rather than trying to make sense of the senseless. All I know is that death has taught me that my life here is short, and I intend to live it fully, knowing that ‘this too shall pass’, quite possibly in the blink of an eye.   

Lisa Barlow is a Personal Development Coach at Bare Health, Congleton, Cheshire.

To speak to Lisa direct or to book a one to one consultation please call Bare Health on 01260 408413.