I’ve learned
these past few years that what we ‘believe’ to be ‘the truth’ is never written
in stone. I’ve been cracked wide open, bought to my knees on more than one
occasion and when I get back up I realise I am stronger and wiser than before I
fell. So, I’m seeing life’s challenges through a different lens these days.
Unconditional love has been a difficult one for me. I realise in order for this
to become a ‘reality’ ‘Ego’s’ have to take a back seat and let the soul do the
driving; and the Ego doesn’t make a good back seat driver! The Ego just wants
to protect, so we don’t get hurt or disappointed but I’ve realised that to
truly keep your heart open (even when it’s been broken through untruths,
disappointments and betrayals) is a gift from God. To truly forgive, to be open
and vulnerable, we get to experience the full breadth of what it is to be
human; to feel, to love, to be angered, to be let down, upset, frustrated....to
feel. When we close our hearts we are unable to connect with our souls. Our
soul is where the unconditional love for each other resides. I believe the soul
holds our blueprints, ‘the truths’ of who we really are. To lovingly want the
best for another, for them to truly experience happiness and reduce suffering,
even in the midst of these lower self emotions, this is my understanding of to
love unconditionally.
I’ve learned
it’s easy to practice unconditional love for those who meet our needs; who are
kind, generous, fun loving, easy going and sensitive human beings. We can
easily extend this love to children who we accept are on a ‘learning pathway’.
So, why do we struggle with each other as adults?
Why do we
struggle to extend this love to human beings who are not kind, loving and
generous?
What stops
US being kind, loving and generous? Is this not the ultimate test afterall?
We’re not just trading are we? Are we?
What stops
us from extending our love to them too?
Can we not
accept that we are all on this ‘learning pathway’ from cradle to grave? Just
because we reach a certain age milestone or make it through adolescence to
adulthood doesn’t mean we have ‘done’ with the learning. We learn ‘through
relationship’. We’re always learning. Why do we struggle to extend our
compassion to our adult counterparts who may be struggling with some aspect of
‘adult life’? Are we compassionate
enough with ourselves as adults?
We all have
habitual patterns of behaving, ways of being that we have learned into being.
Some of these behaviours help us to navigate our way through life with greater ease;
some of them mean we tend to get in our own way. If we never see the ‘Man in
the Mirror’; if we never truly see ourselves as we are we do not have the
opportunity to grow into the finest version of ourselves. We spend money, time
and effort on our fancy packaging when the real work is needed in producing a
better gift. As I like to say, ‘No amount of fancy packaging can disguise a
shit gift’. A polished turd is still a turd at the end of the day.
Our souls
are crying out to be heard, to be listened to. Let me help you heal. They are
sick of the Ego over-reacting to every slight, every perceived attack, the Ego
of late appears to have gone into over-drive. We have lost the ability to laugh
at ourselves and our earthly predicament. The laughing Buddha has it right.
Don’t take life too seriously....it’s not like we’re getting out alive is it?
We learn from each other. We can become growth agents for each other if we open
to this distinct possibility instead of shutting down immediately anything that
even slightly whiffs of as ‘criticism’ of our characters. When somebody pushes
our buttons it could be because they intend to be mean. If you’ve checked out
their intention and you trust the person then maybe, just maybe, this is the
time, this IS the opportunity to go within, to do the inner work.
Forgiveness
as with compassion has to start with ourselves. When we stop judging ourselves
so harshly for any perceived ‘failures’ or mistakes we can be kinder and more
loving towards other human beings who also make ‘mistakes’ on their own
learning pathways. I read somewhere that doing something ‘wrong’ once is a
mistake, twice is a decision but I’m not so certain I believe this anymore.
Some students are more astute than others. I liken it to maths back in school.
I could get mathematic principles EVENTUALLY but it seemed to take a little
more explaining from the teacher, whilst others in my class were flying through
the work from the off. And so I’m thinking that if life is a school for
learning, and if we all have an individual programme of study does it not stand
to reason that some will be faster learners than others?
Maybe it’s
this ‘keeping the heart open’ thing I’ve been practicing. Whenever I have my
buttons pressed and my Ego wants to jump to my defence and retaliate I keep
hearing the words of Michael Singer in ‘The Untethered Soul’ – ‘Don’t close’.
I’m still learning with this one, and I’m still not achieving it sometimes, I
am only human. So, this got me
thinking....our greatest teachers in life ARE the ones who are mean to us,
treat us unkindly, unfairly as these are the ones who teach us most about
compassion, kindness and unconditional love. I’d like us all to be kind,
compassionate and loving human beings but suppose we can only elevate our
consciousness by being presented with these people, situations and
circumstances on the Earth plane.
Just suppose
we ARE all actors on the world stage, that we’re playing our parts perfectly
for the evolution of each other’s souls...Actually, if this was the case there
is nothing to forgive...only gratitude to give. Maybe this is when the
forgiveness is for us; for reacting in the old habitual way and not being able
to create a bigger space between stimulus and response. Fear prevents love from being received or
extended. Our fear of rejection often means we are unable to express ourselves
to each other lovingly and so we close. ‘Don’t close’.....’Don’t close’ screams
Michael Singer...’But I need to protect me’ screams my Ego back, ‘I may get
hurt’. I’ve realised I may indeed get hurt, whether I close or remain open so
from now on I’m taking the chance on remaining open. This is my
intention....I’ll let you know how I get on x
Lisa Barlow is Bare Health's resident Personal Development Coach and creator & facilitator of the hugely successful and inspiring 'Power of the Journal' Workshops held regularly at Bare Health.
If you would like to attend one of Lisa's workshops or alternatively book a 'one to one' session then please do call Bare Health on 01260 408413.
